"Chevra Kadisha: The Last Responders," Conference gathering at Camp Ramah, Ojai

By Gail Rubin, CT

Between the general tendency to avoid discussing death, and the rule against revealing one’s participation in a specific tahara, many communities don’t know about the Chevra Kadisha and Jewish rituals they perform around end-of-life.  

It’s been six years since Kavod v’Nichum last met in person. The national organization for Chevra Kadisha groups to learn about and expand the use of the Jewish end-of-life rituals, had held online meetings during the pandemic. But there’s nothing like coming together at the renowned Jewish Camp Ramah in Ojai, California to ratchet up the good vibrations. 

The three-day event focused on providing education, meaning and connection to the people who volunteer to perform the Jewish rituals of tahara (washing and dressing the body) and shmira (watching over the body before burial). These sacred mitzvahs are something that more Jews need to know about. 

There were 129 people from across the United States attending. They ranged from large Jewish communities in New York, Los Angeles, San Franciso, Chicago and Atlanta to small communities in Oklahoma, New Hampshire, Michigan, Colorado and Hawaii.  I was the only New Mexico representative at the Gather & Grow conference. 

The adventure started with a large bus at LAX picking up attendees to go to Camp RamaH, which has provided Jewish summer camp experiences to kids in the LA area for almost 70 years. I knew I had found my tribe when I overheard one woman say, “You’re the people who wash dead bodies!” 

Upon arrival at the camp, attendees checked in and were given conference bags emblazoned with the slogan, “Chevra Kadisha: The Last Responders.” Before dinner, attendees could participate in an art project decorating stones honoring deceased loved ones. And they could gather to sing songs that built upon the melodies and words sung by Chevrei Kadisha teams during their sacred tahara work. 

Rabbi Micah Shapiro from Cleveland, Ohio led the singing circle. He said, “Singing is our human birthright. We sing lullabies to babies, and when we dress a body, it makes sense to offer lullabies in the tahara room. We can hold joy and a broken heart in the same melody.” 

The full day of sessions started with the option for attending morning prayers. There was a meditative ramble around the camp’s grounds, and a more traditional service in the chapel with tefillin and prayer shawls.  

After breakfast, everyone attended a session on why performing Jewish end-of-life rituals is important, and why Chevra Kadisha teams do this work. Rabbi Keilah Labell, Director of Project Zug, a Jewish education initiative, noted, “This piece of our tradition is one of the most beautiful and unknown.”   

The breakout sessions over the course of the day covered an array of topics: ethical wills, medically complex taharot, working with funeral homes, faith in the liminal time between life and death, taharas in the home, mourning and grief, kabbalistic thoughts on the afterlife, sacred knot tying, and more. There was an introduction to the tahara ritual for newbies.  

My presentation focused on Jewish funeral, burial and mourning traditions illustrated by film clips. Two films from Mexico, the comedy My Mexican Shivah (2007) and Nora’s Will (2008), brilliantly show numerous elements related to Jewish traditions. They include issues around scheduling a funeral, suicide deaths, setting up the house for shivah, funeral and mourning traditions, and more. If you’d like a good laugh, search YouTube for the video, “i-Shiva Commercial.” 

One session, titled Rest in Pride: Queering Death, Dying and Tahara, tackled the question, “If we are made in the image of the divine, what does it mean to die in the image of the divine?” Traditionally, the washing and dressing of the deceased is done by men for men, women for women. Who does this holy work for a trans or queer person? This question reinforces the need to clarify one’s end-of-life wishes before there’s a death. 

The evening featured a celebratory L’Chaim dinner, with stories told by members of the Kavod v’Nichum board. It was followed by a campfire gathering with singing and s’mores.  

The last day’s sessions focused on growing the Chevra Kadisha movement, recruiting more members, expanding into unserved markets, and raising the profile of this important element of the Jewish life cycle. At breakfast, a panel of Jewish death doulas from the San Francisco Bay area shared how they collaborate with multiple entities to elevate sacred end-of-life work. 

Attendees were encouraged to bring a related book to exchange with others. The tahara manuals for various groups, which can vary greatly, were printed out available for perusal in the camp’s library. 

At the closing circle, attendees were invited to take home the stones they had decorated and to take a card with a prayer, created by fellow attendees. Magically, my card said, “Blessed are the death educators.” (which is what I do). 

Sarit Wishnevski, Executive Director of Kavod v’Nichum, summed up the gathering saying, “We hope you see this time we’ve spent together as a gift. This time together feels truly holy. As we step back into the interactions of daily life, be gentle with yourself, as you move back from the holy to the everyday.” 

To learn more about the traditions of tahara, shmira, and the Chevra Kadisha, visit the Kavod v’Nichum website, www.kavodvnichum.org.  

Gail Rubin, Certified Thanatologist,  is a pioneering death educator, a member of the Albuquerque Chevra Kadisha, and a member of the cemetery committee for Congregation Albert synagogue. She writes the Substack column, Mortality Movies with The Doyenne of Death. Her website is www.AGoodGoodbye.com. 

READ more articles about Chevra Kadisha and Tahara published by the New Mexico Jewish Journal HERE

• Tahara: An Encounter by Rabbi Min Kantrowitz
• An Introduction to Chevra Kadisha and Taharah by Rick Light

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Shabbat with Friends: Recapturing Together the Joy of Shabbat
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