Jewish Funeral Traditions on Film

By Gail Rubin, CT, The Doyenne of Death ®

Movies can be a safe and entertaining way to learn about rituals around death. Few traditions are as rich, layered, and meaningful as Jewish funeral and mourning customs.

Four films, My Mexican Shivah, Nora’s Will, This Is Where I Leave You, and The Cemetery Club, offer heartfelt, often humorous windows into grief, community, and the rituals that provide continuity. These “Mortality Movies” illustrate how Jewish rituals surrounding death help families mourn, remember, and support one another.

Two of these films come from Mexico, which may surprise those unfamiliar with Jewish history there. In the 1930s, Mexico was one of the few countries that allowed Jewish refugees fleeing the rise of Nazism in Europe to immigrate. As a result, thriving Ashkenazi Jewish communities developed, particularly in Mexico City and its suburbs, with additional communities in Monterrey and Guadalajara. The films reflect these communities and remarkably traditional Jewish observances.

My Mexican Shivah (2007)

This comedy shows how Jewish mourning traditions are observed within the context of Mexican Jewish (and Catholic) life.

When Moishe dies, his family and friends gather to honor him with traditional rituals. These include the tahara (washing and purification of the body before dressing in shrouds for burial), rituals at the funeral, and fascinating details about the seven-day shivah mourning period.

One ritual shown in the film is keriah, the tearing of clothing by the family members closest to the deceased. This happens at the start of the funeral. In many non-Orthodox families today, a black ribbon is torn instead and pinned to clothing. This tearing of fabric marks the transition from preparing the deceased for burial to the community supporting the family in their grief.

The custom has Biblical origins. In Genesis, Jacob tears his clothing when he believes that his son Joseph has died. In the Book of Job, Job tears his garments in anguish after learning that his children have died. The act expresses grief that words alone cannot convey.

The film also includes a humorous scene during the funeral when Moishe’s friends debate where the shivah should be held. Their reluctance to hold it at his daughter’s home stems from a scandalous detail. Moishe had been living with a Catholic girlfriend, as far as they knew. For this traditional community, that revelation complicates matters considerably.

Later, a member of the Chevra Kaddisha, the Jewish burial society, helps prepare the house of mourning in Esther’s apartment. He explains the rules of sitting shivah. Mourners traditionally remain in the home for seven days and refrain from bathing, shaving, wearing leather shoes, sexual relations, and other comforts. Many of these restrictions echo practices observed during Yom Kippur. Mirrors are covered and mourners sit low to the ground. And yet, when Shabbat arrives, these rules are relaxed as the weekly holiday is celebrated.

The film ends with the family leaving the house after the seven-day period, discarding their mourning clothing and walking around the block. This signals to the community that the most intense mourning period is over. 

My Mexican Shivah shows that mourning can include family conflicts, traditional observances, and humor.

Nora’s Will (2008)

Also set in Mexico, this award-winning film brings a darker edge to the humor surrounding death. Nora dies by suicide just before Passover, by design. Her ex-husband José navigates both her carefully planned final arrangements and Jewish funeral traditions that he’s not particularly interested in following.

One scene highlights the custom of a shomer, literally “one who watches.” In a phone call, their son asks his father not to leave her alone before the funeral, and to wait until he arrives before burying her. Upon orders from a local rabbi, a shomer arrives to keep vigil.

The origins of this practice date back to ancient times when someone stayed with the body to protect it from wild animals or desecration. Today the role is primarily spiritual and symbolic. A shomer keeps the deceased company, often reading psalms. This shows respect for the person who has died and provides comfort to the family, knowing that their loved one is not alone.

Another meaningful moment occurs at the graveside. The rabbi demonstrates placing the shovel back into the earth before the next person picks it up. He explains, “Pain should not pass from hand to hand.” Like many Jewish mourning customs, even small gestures carry deep symbolic meaning.

There are many additional ritual details throughout these films. They are explored in an online presentation with film clips titled Jewish Funeral Traditions on Film. You can see it on YouTube at this link: https://youtu.be/jIt1LqgN9dU

This Is Where I Leave You (2014)

The American counterpart to these Mexican stories turns shivah into a modern family reunion filled with both humor and tension. After their father’s death, four adult siblings return home to sit shivah under the watchful eye of their outspoken mother, played by Jane Fonda. She tells them, “For the next seven days, you are all my children again… and you are all grounded.”

The siblings argue with the rabbi about observing shivah for only three days instead of the traditional seven. This reflects a modern trend. Many contemporary Jewish families feel they cannot step away from work and responsibilities for a full week of mourning.

This is unfortunate because the tradition wisely recognizes the importance of acknowledging grief rather than suppressing it. Even taking several days to withdraw from daily life and gather with family and community can provide meaningful emotional support. Outside Orthodox communities, observing the full seven-day shivah has become increasingly rare.

While attending the recent New Mexico Funeral Service Association convention, the state’s funeral director organization, I learned that the low shivah chairs in this film were provided by a company I often see at funeral conventions. Shiva Shade (www.ShivaShade.com) is a family business that started by creating a temporary shade to cover mirrors at home during shivah. They expanded into other Jewish mourning products, including shrouds, ribbons, kippas, seven-day candles, and of course, shivah chairs. They also offer a wide range of other funeral products to the industry.

The Cemetery Club (1993)

Three Jewish widowed friends meet regularly at their husbands’ graves. Each grapples with their grief journey in different ways. The story primarily takes place after the initial mourning period for the last husband to die.

There is an illuminating scene as people gather after the funeral. Before entering the house of mourning, everyone washes their hands with a pitcher of water at the front door. Sometimes, a pitcher is provided at the cemetery as people leave the grave. 

This is both for practical and ritual reasons. If you’ve helped bury the deceased, you’ll want to wash the dirt off your hands. Ritually, washing hands symbolically purifies the spirit after being in close proximity to death, facilitating the transition back to daily life.

The film reminds viewers that grief does not end after the funeral or shivah. Instead, mourning becomes an ongoing process of remembering, sharing stories, and gradually rebuilding life.

Bonus Video –  i-Shiva Commercial (2015)

Anyone who has gone to a house where Jewish mourners are sitting shivah know there’s usually a lot of food there. Often, people with tenuous connections to the deceased come to the house. Here’s a funny short video about an app that puts the two together for great comic effect.

The film was created Nathan Firer, who said of the video, “As a Jew, I made this i-Shiva video in honor of my father, Noah Firer, the mensch of mensches, who lost a battle with cancer last year. This video is the first comical thought I had during the infinite darkness following his death. I-shiva is not meant to offend or disrespect, but to uphold the longstanding Jewish tradition of turning tragedy into comedy.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dqd6OaEHVto

Final Thoughts

These films illuminate Jewish funeral and mourning traditions not simply as solemn duties but as living practices that strengthen community bonds and help families navigate loss. Through ritual, storytelling, and shared experience, Jewish mourning customs provide structure and support during one of life’s most difficult moments.

To use these films to learn more about Jewish funeral traditions, consider holding a Mortality Movie Night at your home with one of these movies. You could invite members of the local Chevra Kaddisha to talk about these and other rituals.

These films and many others are explored in greater depth in Gail Rubin’s new book, 98.6 Mortality Movies to See Before You Die. This groundbreaking guide uses films and television programs to spark meaningful conversations about mortality, funerals, grief, and end-of-life planning. The book, to be published April 16, is available now for pre-sale at:
https://agoodgoodbye.com/product/pre-sale-98-6-mortality-movies-to-see-before-you-die/

Gail Rubin is a pioneering death educator who uses humor, films and outside-the-box activities in her work. She’s a member of the Albuquerque Chevra Kaddisha and the cemetery committee for Congregation Albert Reform temple. Her website is www.AGoodGoodbye.com. 

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